Lyme Disease and Fear: The Only Way out Is Through

Remember when you were little, alone in the dark, and a startling noise rattled you to your core? …convincing you a monster or ghost was only moments away from plunging out of your closet door to attack you or drag you away to some horrible place? 

Did you get up and open your closet, walk in without hesitating, and examine it? Probably not. I have no trouble admitting I shriveled under my covers during those moments in an attempt to hold it together …all the while sweating profusely. Despite the fact that my mom was sleeping next to me because, if I am being real, and I almost always am …I was too afraid to sleep alone until I was like 11 or 12…

I know I cannot be the only one whose mom slept with them until like middle school, just maybe the only one willing to admit it …or maybe, um, I am the only one. Whatever. The point is, why do we have …or long for… a parent to sleep with us, typically our mom, when we are children?  It’s because in our child mind, the comfort of a mother creates an illusion that thrusts an impenetrable shield around us, protecting us from the demons of the night. 

But then we grow up. And if you are reading this, that may very well mean you grew up only to face a new nightmare such as Lyme disease or another chronic illness like I did. 

THE MONSTERS AND DEMONS IN OUR CLOSETS AS ADULTS

Now we know the demons, albeit different than we imagined, are very much real. Our only shields are ourselves, built by walls of inner strength accumulated during countless nights of life’s monsters taunting us from the dark corners of our rooms. 

We have no choice but to get up and fling the doors of treatment open to face the true darkness and demons surrounding our every move as we walk blindly into the dark unknown of treatments often promising we will feel worse before we feel better. 

Hiding under our covers is now useless. There is nothing to blanket us with bullet proof shields to block out the shots fired by the intense and rigorous treatments illnesses like Lyme disease require us to routinely undergo. 

This used to terrify me daily, but eventually the fear lessened. Still,  I would not be human if I failed to admit fleeting moments of terror frequently beckoned my soul throughout the years of Lyme treatment, harassing it, with intentions deadest on dismantling my will. 

FACING THE DARKNESS TO GET TO THE LIGHT

That being said, I had no choice but to drop resistance to what is and open my eyes to the following: We must always venture eagerly into the dark. When we reach the light, under no circumstance shall we stand still, unafraid to venture from it. In doing so, by not increasing our consciousness and intelligence, the light will inevitably lose its vibrancy. The light of which I speak is the light of the brain, the heart, and the soul …the light from an influx of continuous energy. Better put, the light IS the influx of continuous energy.

It is important to note that whether we choose to relish in the unknown or to refute it, the said light exists momentarily and may only be felt once —in one of two ways. In the first case, the aforementioned light will never again be felt because when we relentlessly invite new experiences and thus new knowledge into our lives, the light continues to grow increasingly brighter. In the second case, the aforementioned light is never felt again because by denying ourselves new experiences, and thus inhibiting an expansion of knowledge, the light shuts off either entirely or begins to dim more and more each day sentencing us to the very thing we strive to avoid —darkness.

Simply put, refusing change guarantees momentary comfort but a long term stale quality of life. You have to risk foregoing comfort in the micro to get where you want to get in the macro (assuming you have a dream that doesn’t include settling or staying small, which you deserve to have, by the way). 

Inviting change has the potential to inflict momentary pain but, in the long term, promotes a richer quality of life. Stay brave. Don’t give up. Don’t play it small. 

We are given one life. 

Go. All. In. 

We are given one life. Go. All. In.


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